Psycho-Analysis

Well hello everyone.  My name is Dr. Francine von Dooglesearch and I’m a board certified psychologist, with a Ph. D and IRD (Internet Research Degree) in psychobabble, I’ve worked as a resident of the Loony Bin for 20 years, and I have a private practice of one patient – your dear Ms. Alexis Alexandra, she’s quite the handful indeed.   I have access to all the worlds’ information at my fingertips and I’m certain that all of my diagnoses for Ms. Alexis are quite accurate and verifiable by the leading authorities in bullshitting.

Ms. Aleixs has asked me to tell you a few things about her current psychiatric situation.  I’m afraid she is just too weak from the electro shock therapy to do much of anything.   As you must already know, dear Ms. Alexis is a deeply troubled girl.  She suffers from many ailments of the mental sort, which I will try to explain in an understandable way.

First, let’s talk about her new diagnosis.  You all know that she suffers from delusions of feminity, so that’s old news, I’d rather discuss the new fun disorders that we have found along our path to enlightenment.

So, Ms. Alexis says some of you may have figured this out from knowing her, but she is very good at keeping secrets, so she doesn’t think anyone “actually” knew, but she has an eating disorder.  She has often detailed this on her blog, not the eating disorder directly, because she didn’t yet know, but her struggles with her weight.

I performed an extensive analysis of her eating habits over the last 25 years which has revealed that Ms. Alexis suffers from an eating disorder called Binge Eating Disorder or BED.  This disorder has caused her to gain and lose weight at rapid rates over many years of her life.  She might gain 40 pounds at a time, sending her into a depressive state and then suddenly decide to lose 50 pounds by starving herself to overcompensate, only to gain 60 pounds immediately after and again going into a depressive state.  This amongst other factors caused Ms. Alexis to retreat from the world.

Here’s the clinical definition of BED:

Binge eating disorder (BED) is an eating disorder characterized by recurrent episodes of eating large quantities of food (often very quickly and to the point of discomfort); a feeling of a loss of control during the binge; experiencing shame, distress or guilt afterwards; and not regularly using unhealthy compensatory measures (e.g., purging) to counter the binge eating. Binge eating disorder is a severe, life-threatening and treatable eating disorder. Common aspects of BED include functional impairment, suicide risk and a high frequency of co-occurring psychiatric disorders.

Binge eating disorder is the most common eating disorder in the United States, affecting 3.5% of women, 2% of men,1 and up to 1.6% of adolescents.

Hopefully, that explains a little about dear little Alexis’s eating problem.  This clearly isn’t all of her problems, and I actually believe that BED is just a symptom of a larger problem, so let’s talk about that.

I believe that, like some of you, Alexis suffers from gender dysphoria.  She has dealt with this for most of her life and it has led to quite a bit of pain and confusion throughout her life.   Here’s the quick definition of gender dysphoria:

Gender dysphoria is a condition where a person experiences discomfort or distress because there is a mismatch between their biological sex and gender identity…This mismatch between sex and gender identity can lead to distressing and uncomfortable feelings that are called gender dysphoria. Gender dysphoria is a recognized medical condition, for which treatment is sometimes appropriate. It is not a mental illness.

I believe that gender dysphoria is the root of most of Ms. Alexis problems.  Her inability to make a connection between her mental gender and her physical appearance has caused much strife in her life which has led to loneliness, depression and split personalities.

At some point in Alexis’s early life, when she could not rationalize the connection between her mental state and physical state, a fissure was formed within her psyche to make logic of the situation.  From here the outward male physical world psyche was separated from the inward/secret female persona that forms the alternate reality you all know as Alexis.  To the outside world she appears to be a normal well-functioning male in society, but on the inside she is filled with female desires that are hidden and she feels a great deal of shame due to it.

After some examination of Alexis’s conditions, I developed a table to express how most of the problems Alexis has experienced in life stem from her gender dysphoria.  Please examine the table below:

Cause Effect Symptom
Gender Dysphoria Loneliness Inability to make meaningful relationships
Gender Dysphoria Depression Binge Eating Disorder
Gender Dysphoria Split personality Secrets and dual lives

Let’s examine the first item, Loneliness.  From a very early age, Alexis has never felt like she fit in with anyone.  She never felt that anyone related to how she felt inside and therefore never made a connection with anyone in the real world.  She tells me that until she met some of her transgender friends, she believes she never really had any friends in the world.  Before this, the thought of being alone consumed her, and while her male persona was able to function within the real world, she was hurting inside, which led to significant depression.

I believe this loneliness, which led to the depression, then led her to finding an alternative method of developing a meaningful relationship with something.  She needed something that would not judge her, would comfort her, and would never leave her no matter what she felt or looked like.  That something turned out to be food.

This relationship with food quickly became destructive as overindulging in food’s companionship led to weight gain.  Ms. Alexis male persona was able to overcompensate for the inevitable weight gain in her early years by intensive exercise to limit the damage to her physique.  This obviously drove a large rift between her male and female sides where they felt at odds with one another.

Both sides fought for control of the body.  This obviously was the genesis of her multiple personalities.  This was further reinforced when Ms. Alexis would have relationships with other women.  Her female side had to be hidden deep and far away to make any relationship with a woman successful.  Ms. Alexis craved this acceptance from another person, as she felt so alone in life and therefore this was a far better situation than just being alone by herself with her two personalities.  So a truce was struck between both sides of her personality.  While in a relationship, which likely wouldn’t last long, Ms. Alexis would wait on the sidelines.

And so Ms. Alexis waited, and waited, and waited…

Until she could wait no longer.  One intimate relationship that her male side had formed had gone on for years  and years and Ms. Alexis wanted her freedom.  The truce was broken.

The animosity between her male and female sides were at an all-time high.  Ms. Alexis broke off in secret and began forming her own life, a life of secrets and shadows.  But in these shadows, she met people and gained real friends that understood her and connected with her.  They were some of the most meaningful relationships she ever had.

And whilst Ms. Alexis blossomed into a beautiful portrait of happiness, her demons were never far behind.

Over the course of three years, she battled her male persona’s disgust with her.  She ate to compensate.  The shame of who she was and what she looked like would drive her to deprive herself of food.  The cycles of self-loathing and self-love as she gained and lost weight over the years were very stressful on her mental well-being.  Between binge eating, dieting, having a relationship, working, having friends for the first time, and fighting her dual personalities – something broke.  She broke and she fell.

The fall was long and hard.

One day she just quit on life and trying to make it work.

She withdrew from the only friends she had ever had.  She wanted them to hate her.  By leaving them, she felt she was helping them by not subjecting them to the sadness she was feeling.  She knew it was best for them.

And one day after eating her feelings for months, she woke up and she was heavier and larger than she had ever been in her life.  She knew she deserved this misery.  Finally, there was something that both her male and female sides could agree upon.  They were finally together, joined by misery.

So they made a plan.   They didn’t care what they ate anymore, they didn’t care about getting diabetes, the heart disease, whatever, it didn’t matter anymore.  It was time to fall for real, fall together and leave this world.

They made a beautiful plan to find a fitting place to fall and finally put an end to the incredible sadness they had felt their entire life.  Nobody would know the truth.  They were very good at covering their tracks at this point.  Nobody would be the wiser and nobody would care.  A perfect plan.

But things didn’t go so perfect for these star crossed personalities as you might expect.

…to be continued

Top 10 Stupid Things People Say To A Binge Eaters

  1. “You look too skinny.”  Well, thank you very much for triggering a binge eating session by telling me that it’s OK for me to eat more.  Many of my binge cycles have been started with this comment.  It’s demoralizing too, because I worked really hard to get here and now you are telling me it was for nothing. Thanks a lot dumb ass!
  2. “I’m concerned about your health.”  This is usually when you have lost weight.  Well, you weren’t very concerned about my health when I was overweight because you didn’t say anything then.  Why have you all of a sudden taken an interest in my health?  This is a veiled attempt at covering up for the previous comment.
  3.  “You should try (blank) diet.”  Thanks, but this isn’t a weight control issue, it’s an eating disorder.  Much like telling a bulimic person that they shouldn’t throw up, telling us to diet isn’t the source of our problems.
  4. “I eat dessert every day, but only after dinner and a sensible portion.”  Great, awesome, thanks for that sage advice.  Again, what works for you clearly won’t work for me.  One taste of dessert and I’m likely to eat the whole package, then drive to the store for another package plus potato chips, ice cream, and Hot Pockets.
  5. “You should just practice portion control to limit your calories.”  What part of binge eating don’t you understand!  Oh, all of it!!!  90% of the time I use portion control like everybody else on the planet.  It’s the 10% of the time where I have uncontrollable binges that I can’t control.
  6. “I’m worried you might be anorexic (or bulimic).”  I’m about to blow your mind, but the fact is, there are LOTS of eating disorders, not just anorexia and bulimia which have been publicized on TV.  Are there only two types of cancer?  Well, then logic dictates that there might be more than two eating disorders on this planet.
  7. “You should exercise more.”  Unfortunately, most people have such a limited understanding of eating disorders that they believe that burning more calories by exercise can overcome the calorie surplus created by binge eating.  The facts are I would have to run a marathon and ride in the Tour de France every day to overcome the caloric intake related to several 5,000-10,000 calorie binges per week.
  8. “You shouldn’t keep junk food in the house.”  Seriously?  Do you know what a car is?  Do you know what a credit card is?  We live in a society where most people are never more than 5 minutes from getting as much food as possible.  Not keeping food in the house isn’t the issue.  I need to be physically restrained when I binge eat to stop me.  And it’s not just junk food.  I can binge on anything from cookies to rice cakes.
  9. “What do you eat when you binge?”  How in the world is this going to help?  You are basically asking me to humiliate myself in front of you.  Because you can’t understand how a person can eat 10,000 calories in a day, after I explain it to you, you will think I’m disgusting and so will I. Thanks for that.
  10. Not saying anything at all.  There are a lot of dumb things you can say to a binge eater, but the worst is not saying anything at all.  The truth is we are a sad, depressed, and ashamed people, especially when we are overweight.  We shun society because of our embarrassment and all we want is to be is left alone.  We push people away to make this easy for them.  We wallow in our depression and literally feed our disorder, making things worse.   Most of the time, we won’t accept help anyway.  But you never know when a few kinds words might help someone who feels the crushing weight of the world and their own body, feel just a little bit better, to get out of bed and have a good day, even if you know they don’t want your help.

Binge Eating Disorder

Binge eating disorder (BED) is an eating disorder characterized by recurrent episodes of eating large quantities of food (often very quickly and to the point of discomfort); a feeling of a loss of control during the binge; experiencing shame, distress or guilt afterwards; and not regularly using unhealthy compensatory measures (e.g., purging) to counter the binge eating. Binge eating disorder is a severe, life-threatening and treatable eating disorder. Common aspects of BED include functional impairment, suicide risk and a high frequency of co-occurring psychiatric disorders.

Binge eating disorder is the most common eating disorder in the United States, affecting 3.5% of women, 2% of men,1 and up to 1.6% of adolescents.

 

Having BED means living in a constant state of anxiety and yearning for something that is seemingly forever elusive. Imagine having a stomach ache that never goes away. You get up daily and hope that today will be the day that your stomach feels normal again.

You are determined that you are going to find the cause, but each time you go to the doctor, she tells you that it is your fault you have this pain and that you just need to follow the very specific but easy directions she will provide to you. You go home and are determined to implement the doctor’s recommendations perfectly.

After some time, you realize that you are following the doctor’s orders to a “T,” but nothing has changed. Your stomach continues to hurt and you find you are more distressed than ever because you know that everyone around you is assuming that you are not following the recommendations. You are confident that you are the only one who is suffering like this and there is a major defect in your character that is propelling the stomach problems and your ability to control them.

You decide that you are going to isolate and keep everyone away because you do not deserve friends or love. You and your stomach pain are together forever — it’s all you have.